Envy. 1 of the 7 (or was it 9?) deadly sins. It's in us, no matter how we try to deny it. We can have all the beauty, satisfaction, pride, intelligence and confidence, but there is always that little speck of it in us. After all, we are human beings. And we always want to be better and hopefully the best. We want to have the better things in life, if not the best. But what really is the best?

Lately I questioned myself whether what I think is best really is the best for me.
Have you ever had the situation when your parents decide certain things for you, certain big things, say, marriage, education decisions, that you somehow disagree on, but they insist that you should, because they know what's best and want what's best for you? Again, I sometimes wonder, is it really the best? I'm quite fortunate in some sense, cos my parents have never decided what I should do in terms of education yet, and I was quick enough to get attached to Fattah just as soon as my mother started to get paranoid thoughts about me being lesbian at 15. (Wtf, i know. Tell me about it. Hahahahaha.) I think she would've matchmade me desperately with any guy she could find just to keep me straight.

Sometimes, we hear of sweet boyfriends who tell their girlfriends they miss them every single day, or of elaborate anniversary celebrations, maybe he tells her constantly that he loves her. And maybe yours doesn't. Maybe to hear him say I love you is like winning the lottery. Maybe your boyfriend makes you cry and then walks away without turning back sometimes.

Or maybe you've heard of people who get awesome birthday parties thrown by their friends. Maybe they have sleepovers. Maybe you don't even have many friends to begin with. So what more a sleepover. Or your friends don't remember their birthday at all.

Maybe you don't even have a complete family, unlike your friends.

But does it really matter, all of that?

Maybe it's time we be a little more appreciative and grateful. Sometimes we have to stop questioning why, stop pushing and to just take a pause and admire what we have.

You may think someone else's boyfriend is the model boyfriend. The best boyfriend anyone can ever have. Maybe your pal's parents are the best parents cos unlike yours, they're liberal and easygoing, (and rich too). But maybe when put together with you things may just not work out.

Stop waiting for your friends to call, you go call them.
Instead of waiting for your boyfriend to say I love you, say it to him first. Make him feel appreciated and stop comparing your family to others' because everyone's got their flaws and it is a fair world, because life is unfair to everyone, in one way or another.

Sometimes what you need is not the best of everything. Because the best something, may not be what's best for you.

What's best for you may not necessarily be all wrapped up with a pretty bow, yours may come a little rough around the edges, a little dusty, but it probably is what's best for you. Not your friend, not the bitch who lives next door, no one else but you. And always remember that the Almighty gives you the setbacks that you get only because He knows you are strong enough to handle it. :)

Ok. I think I may not be making sense in this entry. I hate lengthy, rambling, philosophical entries of mine.